Why Sadness Has A Place
An ode to our melancholy, our suffering, and everything that we feel.
(And also, lots of Spoiler Alerts.)
I want to start this piece with the genius behind Pixar‘s 2015 film Inside Out. It is one of the smartest movies I’ve seen in a very long time and I’m not just speaking in comparison to other animated films. The premise of the movie revolves around the personification and characterization of emotions — Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear and Disgust — in the coming of age story of Riley, the main character. I’ll leave the summary as that so that I don’t spoil the film but believe me — it’s worth the watch. The writers did an excellent job of giving these emotions appropriate character traits and it’s now on my list of top favorite movies. Of all times, not just animation. And shout out to my boy genius Mason because he introduced the film to me — its apparently been one of his favorites for years.
The film inspired me to write this piece because it felt like a confirmation and validation to a notion that I’ve always believed in — all of our feelings and emotions have a purpose and a place. The plot twist is that Sadness is ultimately the hero of emotions in this film. Ok. So I know I said that I didn’t want to spoil it but I needed to for the sake of getting to the thesis of this piece — Sadness has a place because it’s a feeling that confirms a truth that I’ve always known:
Our suffering connects us.
It is the feeling that gives us room for sympathy or even empathy. One that has even at times brought me, the anti — , to an instant connection with a stranger. For example, when I saw Trayvon Martin’s mother speak about the brutal murder of her son on one of the news channels, I immediately bursted into tears and empathized because I too have a young black son that loves to wear hoodies (even when it’s warm outside, to my dismay). I sympathized because I knew at that moment that it could have easily been him one day. My sadness for her connected me to the situation and made it more than just news coverage. I venture to say that any other feeling or lack thereof would be an indication of disregard or indifference. And that too would be sad.
In the film Inside Out (more spoiler alerts at this point because I’m guessing that you won’t be watching it anyway), as Riley is going through some major life changes, her emotions eventually are all over the place and in complete disarray. Joy, who was mostly running the show before, finds herself, let’s just say for simplicity’s sake, outside of Riley’s mind. (By happenstance, so goes Sadness, but I’ll share the importance of this in just a bit.) Joy’s mission critical focus is to get back to the mothership of Riley’s feelings where she can once again be front and center. This proves to be a near impossible journey, with all of the memories and connections to Joy falling by the waistside over and over again. I saw what the writers were doing here and my EQ sensors were bursting with joy inside. It was just pure genius to me — bringing to a Pixar film the life journey that so many experience — trying like hell to find our way back to a childlike joy and happiness when so many things happen to push happiness further and further away and other emotions are left to run rogue.
So back to the journey of Joy and even Sadness trying to find their way back. Along the way, they come across Riley’s imaginary friend, Bing Bong. Bing Bong gets down on himself when he realizes that Riley is forgetting about him and all of the wonderful things that they imagined together in Imagination Land. Joy does everything she can to cheer him up because only his knowledge of traveling the imaginary road back to Riley’s mind can get Joy and Sadness back.
It doesn’t work. So in comes Sadness. In the saddest voice you’ve ever heard. “I’m sorry they took your Rocket. They took something that you loved. It’s gone. Forever…”
It was at that point when I got a bit choked up inside. Because I knew that feeling. All too well. Losing something or someone you loved that is gone forever. And guess what? It’s only a feeling of shared sadness and empathy from others sometimes that helps us to push forward and keep going. It’s sometimes the only connection that reminds us that we’re not alone. Or as my aunt said, this is why we have support groups.
In times of darkness, a shared sadness is sometimes all that we have.
The last thesis of this piece that the movie also showed is one that I’ve always said has been the hardest part for me to accept on this journey in life. The scene is this: Joy and Bing Bong are alone in a dark place and have to get creative to get back to solid ground to continue their journey back to Riley’s mind. For context, they have fallen in the land of forgotten and faded memories. They come up with the bright idea to magically reignite some of Riley’s and Bing Bong’s happy imaginary memories to propel themselves with Rocket (who I mentioned above being gone forever, or so we thought) out of this dark place together. And so they hop in and they try with all their might to get out of there. They try and fail twice before Bing Bong realizes that his weight is just too heavy and that Joy will not be able to get back to Riley if he stays in the Rocket. And so as the Rocket is taking off, Bing Bong jumps ship. Joy makes it back to solid ground before she realizes that he isn’t with her. And so for her to get to where she had to go, Bing Bong had to be left behind. And that was the scene that I’ve had to witness with sadness in my own life over and over again:
Everyone can’t go with us. Sometimes not even the ones we love.
What a heartbreak. And honestly, it’s one that will always be there. Because the truth is, having to leave someone behind or letting them go is not always an indication of love lost. Sometimes its just sadly a necessary step to get to the next part of our journey.
I could go on but I’ve spoiled enough of the film. I still highly recommend it so that you can tap into your own feelings and see what the film does for you. But the most important take away is that we shouldn’t try to put our sadness in a corner. While it’s likely not the feeling that should always run the ship, it is one that has a place. And the reason it has a place is because it makes us human and connects us to others in a way that no other feeling can. In the same way that Joy connects us too.
Maybe, just maybe it’s our greatest equalizer.
Soundtrack: Bundle of Joy, Michael Giacchino
