(October 21, 2018)
I knew that she was waiting to die. She would sit alone in her room in silence. Staring off into a space that no one else could see. Her eyes were turning more grey and a bit transparent. I could almost see through them and that’s how I knew that it wouldn’t be long.
I remember her from years ago. Her laughter and her frowns even. I remember sleeping next to her, thanking God for the exact moments when she was still herself because I knew that one day, she wouldn’t be anymore. She would wake up so faithfully at 6am on the second Sunday of every month and prepare the grandest “country breakfast” Georgia has ever seen. Sausage and ham in dark brown gravy with homemade biscuits, grits and eggs scrambled with cheese. For 10–30 people, depending on who was around for the weekend.
She loved us all in her own way. Even near the end, before time took its complete toll, she wanted to make sure everyone else had what they needed. Especially in her small kitchen that was so grand in its delivery. I can remember her gifting me a porcelain angel and lotion for Christmas once. Me — a great grand daughter, while there stood a handful of children and multiple grandchildren in between. Yes. She really loved us.
(June 28, 2020)
And we really loved her. Her wait ended yesterday. I was about an hour late arriving to say goodbye but it was ok. I’m just thankful that her grief is over and that she’s on to the next journey, likely catching up with her mother, father, siblings and other loved ones. We sat in the hospital room, 11 of us to be exact, while her body remained in the hospital bed for a time. She’d become so physically frail. She was a shell of herself. We talked, told stories, laughed, as if she were still there, sleeping. But, wasn’t she? I’m sure she was looking down from heaven above and shaking her head at us as we “cut up”, as she often did and we often do when we get together. There was no rush, no fear, no tears, as she laid there. I had relief in that she transitioned being surrounded by those of us that she loved most. How else would anyone want to leave the physical realm?
The last year and a half has been difficult for us, her loved ones. But more difficult for her, I’m sure. She went from independence and living alone to health issues that…